


There's a Troll in the Classroom!

by enbyplant



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Post-Sburb/Sgrub
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-12-01
Packaged: 2018-01-02 13:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1057379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbyplant/pseuds/enbyplant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The game completed, the Beta kids come back to Earth to complete their high school education. Everything has returned to normalcy-except for the fact that Karkat, Terezi, and Vriska will be attending school with them. Can the humans take this much troll action?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *finally posts this here* well then. uh this was my first Homestuck fic, i hope you like it!

Beep! Beep! Beep!

John Egbert woke with a start, slamming his hand on his alarm clock to shut it up. Groaning, he sat up and peered groggily around, before remembering to put on his glasses. The world jolted into focus, and he stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom. He rushed back out shortly after, remembering what today was.

It was the first day of school. The first day of normalcy after the whole Sburb incident, in which he and his friends had faced countless dangers, and survived them all. Jack Noir had been defeated once and for all, Lord English was no more, and the kids could finally go back to a normal high school life.

Well, almost normal.

While Kanaya was busy trying to revive the troll race, a few of the trolls had wanted to try something new: human school. Karkat, Vriska, and Terezi would be going to the same high school as John, Dave, Rose, and Jade. John thought it would be amazingly fun, especially since he still had a thing for Vriska. I mean come on; she never dated him, she dated his alternate self. He was older and wiser now, a powerful demigod with the powers of wind. The thought made him smile. If only the other kids at school knew.

John hadn't been to school for years, but now he was back to start his junior year. They had all thought it best to all live in the same area, in a small town completely separate from where any of them had lived before. Because all of their parental figures were deceased, they had decided to live on their own. Besides, they were all almost 18 anyway. After all they'd been through, what were a few forged documents?

John dressed quickly in his uniform for Nortlock Academy. It hadn't been his idea to go to a private school, but Jade thought the uniforms were cute. He would do anything for his sister. He wondered how Karkat was doing in the next room over. He couldn't hear anything, and wondered if maybe Karkat was still asleep. He knew Dave was awake on the other side, since he could hear the boom of his radio playing. Dave always listened to music in the mornings, and really any chance he had.

Dressed and ready to go, John headed out of his room. He stopped, considering going to make sure Karkat was awake. Sighing, he knocked on Karkat's door.

"Hey, Karkat! You up?" he called.

Silence.

"I'm coming in!" he yelled, and then opened the door.

The room was completely dark and John flicked the lights on so he wouldn't trip on anything. Glancing around, he didn't see Karkat. What the heck? Then he remembered that trolls sleep inside a recuperacoon, the big purple grub-looking thing in the corner of Karkat's room. The green slime inside was moving slightly, and John guessed that Karkat was most likely still sleeping inside. He went over to the recuperacoon, but stopped, unsure how he was supposed to wake Karkat up without touching the disgusting slime. Seeing no other way, John stuck his hand inside with a squelch, fishing around inside for Karkat. His hand touched on something slick, but he couldn't tell what it was since it all felt the same under all that slime. Nonetheless, he shook whatever it was, hoping Karkat would just hurry up and wake up. 

It took a moment, but finally Karkat surfaced.

"What the hell, Egbert!" he growled, slapping John's hand away.

"Sorry Karkat, but you need to get up or you'll be late for the first day of school!" John explained, back away from the recuperacoon and wiping his hand on his pants. Ew. Slime.

"Well fuck you, I can get myself up! Go away!" Karkat yelled.

John noticed that his face was all red. Wait, did trolls even wear pajamas to sleep? Just to make sure, John backed closer to the door.

"Sorry, Karkat, I'll go. Just don't fall back asleep!" he called, already heading out the door.

John rushed downstairs, hoping to forget that whole incident. Awkward.

Downstairs, Jade was already up, making breakfast with... Terezi? Terezi was at the stove, receiving instructions from Jade on how to make eggs.

Walking up to them, John asked, "Um, should Terezi be cooking? She's blind."

Jade looked at him for a moment, then turned to Terezi. "I can't believe I forgot! Uh, why don't you just sit at the table while I make the food?" she asked Terezi, looking apologetic.

"Damn. No one ever lets me cook..." Terezi muttered, complying and sitting at the table.

Jade shrugged at John. "Oops. Thanks, John. That could've been... bad," she said quietly, so Terezi wouldn't hear.

John chuckled. "No problem. Want me to help?"

"Sure! Can you make eggs?"

"Yeah, here." John took the supplies from Jade. He cracked an egg into a bowl. "But, uh, I can only make scrambled eggs," he admitted.

Jade smiled. "That's okay. I'm making pancakes, too."

"Yes!" a voice said from behind them.

Jade and John spun around to find Dave, pumping his fist in the air. "I love pancakes," he said. 

Dave was already in his school uniform, although it looked... modified. Instead of the usual white shirt and black blazer, Dave had done away with the blazer all together and rolled the sleeves up to show off his muscles. Not that they were all that big, but they were more impressive than when he was 13. All that imp-slaying sure gave you a workout. John noticed that Dave's pants weren't the uniform pants, but his own skinny jeans.

"Hey, Dave! You can't wear skinny jeans, you gotta wear the uniform right," John admonished.

Dave shrugged. "No one will notice. They're black, too," he said.

John sighed. "Whatever, but if you get in trouble, it's your ass, not mine."

Dave only grinned, and sat down at the table next to Terezi. They started chatting, and John noticed how happy Dave looked when he was talking to her. He smiled, and started whisking the eggs.

"What are you smiling about?" Jade asked.

John shook his head, his smile growing. "Dave and Terezi. I don't know why they don't just go out together yet, they're so great together!"

"Hmm, one could say the same about you and Vriska," Jade countered with a wink.

John coughed, suddenly intent on his whisking. "If she felt the same way about me..."

"Aw, come on," Jade said, patting him on the back. "Even I can see that she likes you."

John didn't reply. He poured the egg mess into the pan and waited for it to cook.

It was just at that moment that Rose finally came downstairs. John wasn't sure, but she looked a little unhappy. He guessed that it was probably because Kanaya wasn't there. She had important work to do, to make a new Alternia, and hadn't been able to attend school with the rest of them. Rose had wanted to stay with Kanaya, but they had all convinced her to go to school with the rest of them, insisting that it was no fun without her. She had consented, but had also promised Kanaya that she would visit every weekend.  
Rose plopped down at the table, as far away from Dave and Terezi as possible. Dave and Terezi didn't even acknowledge her, too engrossed were they in their conversation. Rose didn't seem to mind, however, and pulled out a copy of "War and Peace" to occupy her time with. This made John smile. She was always reading those enormous volumes of hers. He thought back to the time Karkat had made that shipping chart, saying that John and Rose should be together. What a dork. Of course that would never work. Rose was really more of a sister to John. An older sister, who was far more intelligent than he could ever hope to be.

"First batch of pancakes are ready!" Jade called out, brandishing a plate stacked with pancakes. She plopped several onto Dave and Terezi's plates, then moved to give some to Rose.

John looked down at the eggs he was making. In his ponderings, he had neglected the eggs a bit, and they were slightly crusting on one side. He scrambled them a bit, and flipped them to cook the other side. Oh well.

Vriska dashed down the stairs, nearly running into the table in her haste. "Are those pancakes? Sweet!" she exclaimed, smacking down onto the chair across from Rose.  
Jade smiled. "Here you go!" she said, dropping the last of the pancakes onto her plate. "I'll make more," she promised.

"The eggs are ready, too," John said, moving to give everyone a fair share of them. He even set out Jade, Karkat, and his own plates. Done with his cooking, he sat down next to Vriska. He smiled in her direction, hoping to catch her eye, but she was too busy scarfing down pancakes to notice.

Jade finished the second batch of pancakes--which ended up being twice as plentiful as the first--and sat down next to Rose to eat.  
"Hey, where's Karkat?" Jade asked, looking around.

"Probably still sleeping. I tried waking him up," John told her with a shrug.

Jade let out an exasperated sound. "Well, he's going to make us all late for school. Speaking of which, who's driving?"

Terezi's hand shot into the air. "I will!"

"Tez, you can't even see the road," Dave pointed out.

"And knowing you, you would probably try to run people over, just to smell they're stupid blood," Vriska put in.  
John stifled a laugh, and even Jade smiled.

"Hey!" Terezi said indignantly. "If anything, you'd be the one to run people over, what with your obsession with killing people *cough* Tavros. Should we even be letting you into the human school? Doesn't seem very safe to me!"

Vriska scowled and opened her mouth to retort, but Jade cut in. "Guys! Calm down. No one is killing anybody. After all that business with Jack murdering everyone, I'd think you guys would be a little more respectful."

Everyone was silent, and Terezi and Vriska even had the decency to look ashamed. Just then, Karkat finally walked into the room.

"What the fuck is everyone yelling about?" he grumbles, plopping down across from Terezi. John noticed that his uniform... wasn't even on. He was wearing his usual shirt with his sign, and black pants.

"Karkat! Finally you're up. I was just about to go get you," Jade said from where she sat next to him.

"Whatever. What the hell are these things?" he asked, holding up a pancake between two fingers like it was something the cat had dragged in. Or dog.

"Please tell me you know what a fucking pancake is," Dave said.

"Of course I don't! Stupid aliens," Karkat muttered.

"Karkat. We do have pancakes on Alternia," Terezi said in a no-duh voice.

"Yeah... didn't your lusus ever make you any?" Vriska put in.

Karkat's face gets redder with rage. "Maybe I just don't like to eat stupid things! Gog." Karkat pushed his plate away from him, slamming it into Terezi's plate.

"Hey! Watch it!" Terezi yelled, pushing the plate back at Karkat.

The plate slid off the table, depositing its contents all over Karkat's clothing.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Karkat yelled angrily, leaping up from the table. "DAMMIT HOW MANY OUTFITS DO YOU THINK I HAVE?!"

"Karkat, calm down, I don't think it was on purpose," Jade said, trying to placate him.

"Yes, and you can just go put on your school uniform," John suggested.

Karkat stormed upstairs without another word.

The kitchen was silent for a moment. Finally, Rose put in, "Well. That escalated quickly."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally arrive at school. Everything goes well for maybe 5 minutes, but soon trouble arises...

Finally, everyone was ready for school; even Karkat was wearing his uniform. They all piled into the car, with Rose driving. The ride to school was surprisingly quiet, most likely due to all of their first-day-of-school jitters. After about ten minutes, they reached the school, and Rose stopped before letting them out.

"Please behave yourselves. Especially the trolls. Listen to everything the adults tell you to do, and don't get into trouble or it's your own asses on the line!" Rose instructed.  
They all nodded and got out. Heading towards the office, they stepped inside to speak with the secretary.

"Oh, you must be the new students! What a... lively looking bunch!" the secretary exclaimed, eyeing the trolls.

Rose coughed and stepped forward. "Yes, well. I am Rose Lalonde. Do you have our papers?"

The secretary handed over their schedules. "We also have a guide for you, just to get you through the first week, since you started so late in the year. Tyler?" She called the last part into the next room.

A boy stepped out of the office behind the counter. He looked to be the same age as them, with light brown hair and cyan blue eyes. He wore his uniform smartly, and had a confident air about him. He walked up to the kids and gave what he probably thought was a dazzling, inviting smile; it made Rose uneasy.

Tyler led them out of the office, then turned to talk to them. "Hey, I'm Tyler. What are your guys' names?" he asked.

They all introduced themselves to him, and he shook each of their hands in turn. "Great, let's get this show on the road. This area here is where the offices are, and up those stairs..."

Twenty minutes and a whole school tour later, Tyler led them to their respective first periods. Rose had English first period, which sounded great to her; she was such an avid reader, she was sure to get a lot out of the class.

The teacher, Mrs. Halloway, asked Rose to introduce herself, and to give some background on why she was coming to this school. "Hello. I am Rose Lalonde. Previously, I resided in New York, but I have now moved here with my friends and family. I enjoy reading, knitting, and playing the violin. Thank you." Rose sat down at a seat near the front of the class, where no one else would sit. Of course, that didn’t bother her.

Ten minutes into the class, Rose realized that this wouldn't be as exciting as she had first hoped. She found that this Mrs. Halloway treated the class like pre-schoolers, having them read the simplest materials, like Charles Dickens and Robert Louis Stevenson. She had nothing against Dickens or Stevenson, but it was ridiculously easy work. After a while she just stopped paying attention, and start writing in her journal.

"Ahem."

Rose looked up to find the teacher standing at her desk, tapping her foot. "Please refrain from writing during my class, unless you are either taking notes or doing an assignment, which I can clearly tell you aren’t doing either things."

Rose sighed. "I wouldn't have to amuse myself in other ways if your class wasn't so ridiculously lackluster."

The classroom was utterly silent, as most of the class tried to figure out what the word 'lackluster' meant, and the few who did understand were shocked. Finally, the teacher had recovered even to burst out, "Well! If you find my teaching methods to be so lackluster, then I suggest you take that up with the principal!"

Rose stood without another word, gathering her things. Out of everyone, she hadn't expected herself to be sent to the office, but she supposed this was better than sitting for another minute in this dull place of "learning;" maybe she could transfer to a more advanced class.

She left the room quietly and headed back towards the offices where she and the other kids had met with the secretary. She looked up when Rose walked in, surprise clearly written on her face, although after a moment it flashed to-- annoyance?

"Another one? My, you are a troublesome bunch," she muttered. "The principal should will see you in a moment, after he finishes speaking with your friend." She went back to her work, signaling that the conversation was closed.

Rose was too stunned to reply anyway. She sat in a chair to wait for whoever was in the office.

Ten minutes later, the door to Principal Paterson's office finally opened, and Karkat walked out. Of course. Rose sighed, and Karkat looked at her, his face turning red with surprise.

"I would ask what you have done, Karkat, but I'm really in no position to ask at the moment," Rose said. Karkat just scowled, and left the office hurriedly.

The secretary indicated that it was now Rose's turn to speak with the principal. Rose stood and entered the office, quietly shutting the door behind her. The principal turned around.

"Hello, and who's this?" he asked.

"I am Rose Lalonde, sir. I find my English class to be rather... dry, if you will. Is there any hope of transfer to a higher level class?"

The principal started. "Oh, well, it isn't exactly regulation to do so without a reccomendation from a teacher, or at least a test..."

"Please, sir, I assure you that I am more than capable of passing any test that you have to offer."

The principal coughed and shifted in his seat, but complied. "Alright. I will have Cheri prepare a test for you immediately."

45 minutes and one test later, the principal stared at the test results, a puzzled expression configuring his features.

"Miss Lalonde..." the principal started, then paused a moment. "Err, well, it seems that your test results have indicated that your intelligence level in the areas of reading and comprehension far exceed those of a high school student. In fact... I daresay your intelligence would surpass even the average college student. I don't believe we can place you in a class here... the only thing I can offer you is an extra elective or a free period," he finished, putting the test down and looking at Rose in quite an apologetic manner.

Rose nodded slowly. "Thank you, sir. I apologize for this not being apparent sooner, as previously I was homeschooled. I will take a free period."

The principal smiled, although it looked forced. "Right then. This period is almost over anyway, but you may go ahead and do as you wish. You are dismissed."

Rose left the room, wondering what in the world she would do during this free period of hers. Maybe she could work on a novel? Perhaps...

 

......What Happened to Karkat...

Karkat stalked into his first period, American history. Slamming into a chair, he glared at any student who looked his way. It took a moment for the teacher to even notice his new student.

"Why, hello there! You must be one of our new students," the teacher, Mr. Ryan, said to Karkat, sauntering over to Karkat's desk. "Your name?"

Karkat doesn't answer at first, giving only a glower. Seeing no way out of answering, however, he said, "Karkat Vantas."

Mr. Ryan grins. "Well, Mr. Vantas, I assure you it is a pleasure to have you in our class. Currently, we are learning about the James Madison papers. Do you have any previous knowledge on this subject?"

Karkat saw that the whole class was now looking at him expectantly. Irritated, he spat out, "How the hell am I supposed to know who James Madison is? What kind of name is that anyway? Let me guess, he was some kind of grubfisted douchebag who is in dire need of a piping hot nutrition plateau of fuck you."

Mr. Ryan looked taken aback. "Excuse me, but we do not use that kind of language in this classroom."

This only made Karkat even more wound up. "Yeah?! Well I'm sorry for not being an ignorant sack of shit who is intent on sucking out the few brain cells the human race has left!"

The teacher was practically livid by then. "Mr. Vantas! You will get your ass down to the principal's office this instant, and you better hurry, because I have half a mind to suspend you for your use of such foul language!"

Karkat stormed out the room, not even sure where he was going. He was seriously pissed off, because obviously Mr. Ryan had those insults coming badly. I mean, come on; who the hell wants to learn about James Madison and his stupid fucking papers? Whatever.

Karkat stopped after a while, finally looking around. He had no idea where he was. Now he was even more pissed off than before, if that's even possible; he kicked the wall. Immediately, his foot started radiating with pain and he let out a string of profanities. Just then a teacher came out of a nearby classroom, obviously wondering what all the commotion was.

"Excuse me, but we do not allow that sort of language at this school!" she berated him.

Karkat just glared at her. He knew that Rose had told everyone to be good, but frankly he didn't care anymore.

"Well, fuck you, too," he growled.

The teacher looked taken aback. "Young man! Foul language directed at a teacher is even worse than foul language in general!"

Karkat decided that the teacher must have an entire stick shoved up her ass.

"Does it look like I care?" he asked her.

Her face entirely red, the teacher grabbed Karkat by the wrist and started dragging him down the hallway. "You are coming to principal's office right this minute!"

Karkat just rolls his eyes. Oh well, at least he wasn't lost anymore.

 

......

Jade sat up first period, shaken out of a bout of sleeping. She glanced around, hoping that no one had noticed her snooze. Suddenly, she got a strange feeling. It seemed to her that something was... off. She just couldn't shake the feeling. It was like... the school felt different somehow. She looked out the window, startled to see that instead of the green lawns and fountain of the the schoolyard, there was... the tower of Pisa?! Wait a minute... she had just been dreaming of Italy. Oh no... her Witch of Space powers were in action again; she had accidentally teleported the school to Italy.

She tried to look around surreptitiously, hoping no one else had noticed the change of scenery. It didn't seem like it, yet, but she probably only had seconds before someone realized they were no longer in America. She closed her eyes, attempting to bring the school back to its original location. A new feeling swept over her, and she snapped her eyes open. She let out a breath of relief. The school was back. And no one had noticed.

Jade sunk down in her seat, feeling suddenly exhausted. School was hard. And it was only first period.

**Author's Note:**

> I Couldn't be Your Friend is currently my top priority. this will not be updated past what i already have written (three or so chapters) until i finish that one, sorry.


End file.
